


You are my world

by JerkBitchCombo



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Angst and Fluff, Boys In Love, Caring Castiel (Supernatural), Discussion of Abortion, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Mpreg, Sick Dean Winchester, Top Castiel/Bottom Dean Winchester, Top!Cas, Worried Bobby And Sam, bottom!Dean, dean and cas are soulmates
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-03-31
Updated: 2020-08-02
Packaged: 2021-02-28 18:35:58
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 7,680
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23411764
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/JerkBitchCombo/pseuds/JerkBitchCombo
Summary: “I love you without knowing how, or when, or from where. I love you simply, without problems or pride: I love you in this way because I do not know any other way of loving but this, in which there is no I or you, so intimate that your hand upon my chest is my hand, so intimate that when I fall asleep your eyes close.”
Relationships: Castiel Novak/Dean Winchester
Comments: 9
Kudos: 39





	1. Chapter 1

Cas was happy to have finally finished the meeting with his editor, cruising along the streets of Chicago and feeling elated that he finally gets to go home and be with his Dean, the love of his life, his gorgeously sexy boyfriend who he has met in a bar almost 2 years ago and was instantly captured by his emerald eyes that held sadness way beyond his years. He brushed off all of Cas’ flirtatious quips, and he didn’t have that many to go with in the first place, but what Cas lacks in flirtation ability he apparently makes up for in tenacity.

He kept coming back every night, until finally Dean had to relent. Cas would stay the entire night by the bar just waiting for Dean to get a break for a few minutes just so they could talk, mostly small talk at first, but then Dean’s shift would end and they would get to divulge all their lives’ story in the haven of the empty bar, he learned that Dean was responsible for his younger brother Sam who’s off to college at Stanford studying law, and that he also works as a mechanic at Bobby’s who he considers his father figure who took both him and his brother in after his dad killed himself back when Dean was 18, which explained the deep & unimaginable sadness one would have to see the minute they look closely into Dean’s overconfident facade, and that was it! Cas knew he was completely and utterly screwed! He knew it and still he dived right in, no hesitation or questions asked, because Dean was worth it from the word go, call it a lover’s intuition. 

Castiel reciprocated by telling him all about his family, his parents Naomi and Chuck Novak of Novak industries, his 4 brothers Gabe, Zack and Jimmy, that he was the writer of a famous novel series called Supernatural which Dean recognized (Thank God!) and that his family were not okay with him being gay but put up with it so as not to lose their child, but can’t help but rib him on it every chance they get. He then explained that it doesn’t really bother him that much, he knows that deep down they respect and love him and if that was their way of dealing with it then that’s okay. 

Sometimes, the unfairness of the world just hits Cas like a train, how could beautiful, vigorous and kind Dean’s life story holds all this torment while he led an admittedly privileged life where his greatest hurdle is familial ribbing! 

He vowed within himself to do whatever he can to help Dean live the life he should’ve had to begin with. That he would go above and beyond to provide Dean with all the love and care he can muster for him and only him. 

His favorite part of these early memories of their relationship and then Cas would help Dean close up and they would together to Dean’s home, hand in roughened hand that spoke of hard labor and caring for some things that no one his age should have any business worrying about. This ritual was persistent for many days until finally Dean kissed him for the first time. Cas felt like a teenager again, the whole burst of stomach butterflies and adolescent giddiness just hit him again full force. And then he went home with renewed vigor and started all over again the next day. 

He made it his life’s mission to make Dean happy, whether with showering him with affection or suffering the same Classic rock tapes whenever he was riding shotgun with Dean in his beloved Impala, or spending hours on the couch watching star wars, anything was worth seeing him smiling his full-on smile with the crinkles around his eyes. He vouched that night to never let Dean go, to love him passionately till the end of his days and he was good on that promise.

He finally pulled into the driveway of their 2 story-home. Cas left the car and hurried into the house, immediately started calling for Dean, not even willing to wait for a second to have him in his arms, "Deaaaannn, I'm hooomeeee, where are you sweetheart?!" he sing-songed, and waited for an answer, but none came. Worried, because Dean said that he wouldn’t go out today when he left him to sleep some more with a gentle kiss to his temple this morning, he went looking for him, his blue eyes roaming every inch of the house while calling “Deaaaannn, Deaaaannnn!”, checking the living room and the kitchen downstairs to no avail. 

Now, with his heart racing, he climbed the stairs and went to check the bedroom and the adjacent bathroom, to find to his horror Dean unconscious on the ground on the cold and unforgiving tiles of the bathroom, looking pale and completely out of this world, the scent of sickness permeating the bathroom. 

Not even bothering to stave off his panic now, he runs to Dean with his heart in his throat, goes down to his knees and gently pulls him in his arms. Dean was completely unresponsive, with his head listing to the right until Cas laid him against his chest to check his breathing and heart rate, he put his fingers on Dean's carotid to find his pulse racing and his breathing labored, he started trying to rouse him "Dean, baby, wake up! Please honey Please, open your eyes and look at me, let me know you're alright. Dean you're really starting to scare me honey. Dean!"

Cas now had tears in his eyes, completely lost, what the hell happened? What was wrong with his Dean? He was fine this morning, a bit pale but Dean was always like that, Castiel always fought with him because he wouldn’t eat more or right! He always missed meals and worked himself to the bone and when he did eat he would choose junk food no matter how many healthy choices Cas cooked and bribed him to eat. 

Not knowing what else to do, he gently placed one hand under Dean's back and the other under his knees and very carefully lifted him off of the floor in a bridal carry, making sure to place his head on his shoulder to keep him as comfortable as possible and hurried back to his car with his precious cargo, laying him with utmost care down on the backseat and covered him with a small blanket that he always kept in the back seat, Dean gets cold easily. He ignored every speed limit there is in his panic to reach the nearest hospital. He pulled up in front of the emergency entrance and took Dean in his arms again and entered the hospital shouting for anyone who'd listen to help Dean.

A kind looking nurse approached him with a gurney and like talking to caged animal, spoke gently "Calm down sweety, we’re gonna take good care of him. Tell me, what’s your name?”

In any other time he would have griped at her for the childish way she was addressing him, but he was all out of his wits, he couldn’t take his eyes off the moving gurney carrying Dean away from him until she nudged him again, so he said “C-C-Castiel” 

She nodded at him, with calmness that he wanted to snap off, and said “Okay, Castiel, can you tell me what happened exactly?” 

He heatedly replied “I d-d-don’t Know! I f-f-found him lying on the bathroom floor completely unresponsive, p-p-p-pleaase help him I can’t lose him please” 

There were some other attempts to calm him down that he tuned down and then found his legs carrying him out of their own volition when the nurse directed him to the hospital designated waiting area, she led him to a vacant seat in the corner and gave him some hospital paperwork to fill out. 

He tried to concentrate on filling them out but couldn’t for the life of him! And then he remembered that he should notify Sam and Bobby about this. He’s so overwhelmed he needs some other people here with him and his own brothers are all away on business. 

He took out his phone and with shaking fingers called Bobby, Sam was away at Stanford and Dean would bite his head off if he called Sam and he left his studies and came here. On the third ring Bobby answered cheerfully “Hey Cas, What’s up boy, how’s that idjit of yours?” 

Castiel couldn’t, for the life of him, reply! What would he say? I couldn’t take care of your son and now he’s lying in the hospital and God knows what is wrong with him? 

Bobby, with a tone that shifted completely, worriedly exclaimed “Cas? Are you Okay? Is there something wrong?” 

It took all of Castiel’s courage to answer him “Bobby, we need you, Dean’s in the hospital”


	2. Chapter 2

3 Hours

3 Hours, 27 minutes and 34 seconds to be exact. 

That’s how long Castiel has donned the very uncomfortable chair in the overly cold hospital ER waiting room. Nurses keep traipsing all over the place and he keeps oscillating between feeling angry and fucking terrified out of his mind. He’s begged every nurse he saw to just give him an update on his Dean, and something is yet to be said on his condition or if he even woke up. 

Cas keeps picturing him in that bathroom, lying unconscious and deathly still, how much time did he spend on those hard, cold and unforgiving bathroom tiles, Cas may never know. And he’s never gonna forgive himself for it. Dean needed him, he FUCKING NEEDED HIM, and he was in a meeting, none the wiser about Dean feeling sick to begin with. 

And the award for the worst boyfriend in the history of ever goes to…. GUESS WHO!

Oh, yeah, Bobby’s here! He’s been here next to him for going on 3 hours now, yep he rushed to the hospital not even a half an hour after the initial panic call from Cas. It’s just that Cas feels like he may as well not have been here. Of course, he tried to comfort Cas, he listened to his panicked ramblings and assured him with all the talk about Dean’s toughness and resilience, that he’s gonna be fine, Dean is always fine, right? 

And it was convincing for about an hour, until dread has filled every pore in Cas’ body and his fear has taken up all of his thoughts and he just tuned Bobby out. 

Dean is alone. Dean is hurting. Dean is sick, these are the non-stop thoughts going through Cas’ head right now. If only one goddamn nurse would ease his pain and just let him know bloody anything already! 

Maybe Cas deserves it, maybe all the waiting is because he kept Dean waiting when he was in need, but please God, please I’ve learned my lesson, don’t punish me in him. I’ll never do it again, please! Just please. 

And there it is, an endless loop of torture.

“Castiel Novak, is there a Castiel Novak here” 

Is there someone calling him? He’s so engrossed in these tortuous thoughts that he did not believe his ears and just continued to wallow in misery. But Bobby, God Bless him, he gave him a shove after all his attempts of bringing the calling of Cas’ name to his attention have failed miserably! 

“Ya idjit, someone’s calling you for an update on Dean! Just get yourself together and let’s head there” and if the words were not enough to rouse Cas to the here and now and what’s happening, the impatient tone of Bobby’s and the reciprocated misery he heard there would’ve been rousing all on its own. 

He practically trips over his feet standing up in his haste to reach the nurse, not even noticing if Bobby is right on his heels or not, his eyes and focus centered on Dean and knowing how he is. But Bobby was definitely on his heels, he had to know what was wrong with his boy right the fuck now!

They finally reach the nurse and Cas all but blubbers “I’m Cas- Castiel Novak. How is he? Is he awake? Is he okay?” to which the woman replied to with that medicinal brand of sympathy in her eyes and kind tone “Your Dean is still not awake but he’s stable, C’mon I’ll take you to his room and you could sit with him and wait for the doctor, he’s gonna come to give you a full brief on how Dean’s doing okay?” 

Okay, that’s good right? If they’re letting Cas see Dean then that’s good! It’s okay that he’s sleeping, right? This means that he’s resting and that’s also a good thing! God, he hoped Dean’s okay because he really can’t handle the alternative.

He can’t make his vocal cords work because of all the anticipation that’s clogging his throat up. So, he just performs some jerky nods in the nurse’s direction and then she instantly starts to navigate her way through the ER with Cas and Bobby right on her tail. 

Once they reach the room Dean’s in, the nurse stops, turns around and says “Don’t be alarmed by all the machines and wires, he’s really resting comfortably and he’s okay – just thought I should tell you that first”. Cas really doesn’t know what to make of that, so he tunes it out of his head and just focuses on being there for Dean and seeing with his own two eyes that he’s okay. 

The nurse opens the door and they all file in inside the room with Bobby rushing inside and taking Dean’s hand in his while Cas stands there dumbly by the door, taking the scene in. there’s a saline IV drip in his right hand and an oxygen mask on his face which scares Cas to an extent he can’t possibly put into words, his heart is connected to a bunch of electrodes and there’s a machine with a screen cataloguing Dean’s heartbeats which Cas figures are on the high side. 

Cas’ hands are in fists by his sides, the tension and fear are eating him up alive seeing Dean in this fragile state. He’s never seen him like that before. He looks so small and pale, those darling freckles more apparent than ever and his cheekbones are sharp and prominent on his face and there are two dark halos under each of his eyes. ‘How did get this bad’ ‘Where was I when he was feeling sick and it took him fainting in the house alone for me to find out the extent of his suffering’. To say that Cas was wracked with guilt would be a vast understatement. 

The nurse senses Cas’ unease and heads his way after updating Dean’s chart, she comes to stand by his side and says “the mask is just to help him rest better – see how his heartbeat is high? Well, that means that his heart is pumping really hard trying to oxygenate his body and so we’re giving him a bit more oxygen so his heart doesn’t have to work so hard okay? Go ahead and talk to him I’m sure he’ll love waking up to the sound of your voice” 

Cas looks at her, eyes on the verge of overflowing with tears and gives her a whispered “thank you” before starting to slowly head in Dean’s direction. He takes Dean’s hand in his and starts rubbing is soothingly with his thumb with circular motions, and then he bends down to give Dean a small peck on the forehead, and then rests his own forehead on Dean’s whispering “Hey baby, haven’t you napped enough for the day? That’s okay sweetheart, rest. I’m here for as long as it takes, but don’t take too much time because you know I’d get all kinds of lost without you” 

He then looks at Bobby and, this may sound horrible, but it kinda makes him feel a bit better seeing his own anguish reflected back on Bobby’s face. That man talks a big game but Sam and Dean could may truly be his one weakness. So maybe Cas isn’t that crazy seeing how bad Bobby is also feeling, that he’s not overreacting in his worry. 

Without letting go of the hand he’s holding; he gets his other hand to rub Dean’s skull in the way he loves and that never fails to put him to sleep. He hears the nurse leaving the room but doesn’t pay it any mind, just continues looking at Dean and soothing him. 

Sometime later, Bobby had just left in order to update Ellen on Jo, his wife and step daughter, on Dean’s condition, Dean finally starts to stir “Hey honey, finally ready to open those eyes for me or are you thinking of leaving me hanging for some time more?” 

He could see Dean smiling through the mask, his eyes fluttering and forcing to open. When he finally gets a hang on that, his eyes zero in on Cas for a half second and everything is fine, until he realizes that he’s in a too white and sterile environment that’s not in any way resembling his bedroom, not to mention the memory foam mattress that he loves, and he starts to panic and tries with weak limbs to remove the mask on his face. Cas saw that coming though and he acts fast “shhh, it’s okay Dean, babe, you’re in the hospital and I’m right here with you. I’ll remove the mask for a minute so you could talk but then you’ll have to go back on it because you need it just for a little while okay?” 

Dean gives him a quick nod but his eyes are still really panicky, so he makes quick work of gently removing the mask from Dean’s face and says “How’re you feeling sweetheart, do you remember what happened?” 

“uhh- I don’t know Cas I was waiting for you to come back from your meeting and was cleaning up the house a little since it’s the weekend but I couldn’t get anything done because I was feeling nauseous and dizzy all morning and my stomach was cramping a bit, the last thing I remember is when I went to the bathroom to throw up and then my mind is blank – Are you okay?” 

Leave it to Dean to ask how Cas is doing when he’s the one on the hospital bed. Cas leans down and gives him another kiss on his forehead to soothe him and says “I’m fine babe, you just scared me half to death that is all, I came back to a squeaky-clean house and you unconscious on the bathroom floor. Why didn’t you tell me you were feeling bad, sweetheart?”   
“Don’t give me that look Cas, It was just a tummy ache and I didn’t wanna worry you. I am perfectly capable of taking care of myself, thank you very much” Dean says angrily, or in that case grumpily since he doesn’t seem to have the energy for anger right now. 

“Dean” Cas begins heartily, “you were lying unconscious on the floor and you wouldn’t wake up, I tried and I tried and you wouldn’t wake up, I brought you to the hospital and the doctors were taking care of you for going on 4 hours and you still haven’t woken up, can you honestly look me in the eyes and tell me you’re okay and you can take care of yourself right now? Because I’m not buying it!” 

Cas hadn’t meant to yell, he really didn’t, would it make everyone have a little sympathy for him now if they know that he was crying while yelling? Well, that’s what’s happening. 

Dean seems to have heard the unuttered plea that Cas was sending, his eyes go insanely soft and he brings Cas’ hand to his lips, kissing it softly and says “Cas please don’t cry, please I’m sorry. I don’t know what to say I really wasn’t feeling that bad and I really thought I had it under control. Please don’t be mad at me.”

Cas rushes to kiss the words out of Dean’s lips, running his hand on Dean’s cheek, all the way to his neck and holding it tightly but gently. He then proceeds to unbend his body again and says “I’m not mad sweetheart, I could never be worried, I was just terrified Dean, I can’t stand the idea of you being sick or hurt, it literally hurts my heart seeing you so run down.” 

Cas then starts to reposition the oxygen mask on Dean’s face, and before any attempts of Dean talking his way out of it are initiated, Cas says “Don’t even bother, you’re wearing it until the doctor comes to tell us how are you doing and that you don’t need it anymore. Besides, Bobby is right outside talking to Ellen and I might’ve just done you a favor in disguise because he might not have it in him to chew you out” 

Yeah, Dean flips him off and then proceeds to shut his eyes again to relax, but that’s just between them.


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Doctor fills them in on Dean's status

“Is he awake?” Bobby asks, as he reenters the room. Cas can feel Dean sparring with his own self, does he fake sleep so he would spare himself the wrath of Bobby that’s bound to tear him a new one, or just take it “like a man” and be done with it. 

Cas decides that he’s gonna let his boyfriend take the lead on this one, the doctor still hasn’t come to tell us what’s wrong with Dean and that’s taking all of Cas’ waking thoughts right now. Dean’s BP shown on the monitor is still high, a man can’t have a resting BP of 140/90, right? This isn’t normal, and Dean has been resting for a while, shouldn’t it be coming down?! He’s also not really complaining about the oxygen mask on his face. He did put a front a while ago but if you know Dean as well as Cas you’d know that that wasn’t him giving “bitching” all he’s got! Then, he must really need it.. and that just scares Cas more than he’s willing to admit. 

His attention is thwarted from the ugly thoughts running in head to Dean pulling the mask lethargically from his face and saying “I’m awake Bobby, and I’m okay, go home already” 

“GO HOME? What do you mean GO HOME? Cas calls me telling me that YOU FAINTED IN THE BATHROOM and IN THE HOSPITAL and you think we’re, what, overreacting? Why didn’t you tell anyone that you were feeling shitty, boy?”

Dean looks properly chastised after Bobby’s tirade, his eyes go down like suddenly something on the generic hospital blanket covering him up is worthy of his attention and he says in a small voice “I wasn’t even that sick, I was just feeling nauseous for a few days and today it hit me harder all of a sudden but I was fine, I don’t know what happened. The doctor will come by soon and discharge me, you don’t have to worry” 

“Well, that’s where you’re wrong, Dean! I ALWAYS worry about you, and nothing you say will stop me from doing just that, and where the hell is that doctor of yours anyway, we’ve been waiting and worried forever now! I’ll go look for him. Cas, make sure he doesn’t up the ante on his own stupidity for the day” and then he proceeds to exit the hospital room again, like a mama bear looking for something to kill for what happened to her cub. 

Cas takes pity on his sick boyfriend, he really has been through enough today, although he also really needed to hear those words from Bobby. He gives him another kiss on the temple and renews his rubbing of his skull and says “Sweetheart, you’re the most important thing in our lives, and you’re in the hospital and we don’t know why. We’re all scared out of our minds and until we’re reassured that you’re really okay you’re gonna have to bear with our worried hovering, okay?” 

Dean doesn’t say anything, he just angles his face and rises up a bit to give my lips a chaste, passionate kiss on the lips that speaks his acquiescence for him and then lays back down again. 

“Where IS that doctor?” Cas muses “Is that, like, a bad sign?”

As soon as he finishes his thoughts, a doctor enters the room with Bobby right on his tail, saying “found him in the hallway while I was talking to your nurse at the nurse’s station, said that he was on his way to see us anyway” 

“Yes, hello. My name is dr. Richard and I’m the attending on your case. Nice to see you’ve regained consciousness, how are you feeling?” 

“I’m really fine, doc. When can I get out of here?” 

“Mr. Winchester, you’re 4-weeks pregnant, dehydrated, exhausted and already exhibiting signs of preeclampsia. You are, most certainly, not fine.”

The silence is deafening in the room, all three family members’ shock is apparent on their faces. Cas feels like a rug was pulled from under him “whuh, what are you saying? How is he pregnant?” 

“That’s what the tests are telling us, and the situation is dire. Mr. Winchester hasn’t been taking care of himself at all, his BP is higher than we’d like, he’s exhausted and anemic, and his pregnancy is already dubbed high risk and he’s only 4 weeks into it. I am sorry if I sound crass but, Mr. Winchester, you have a very difficult decision to make” 

Dean is pregnant  
Dean is in danger  
Dean is NOT OKAY

Cas’ mind is reeling; haven’t they been taking precautions? did his condom rip the last time they had sex? Why is Dean in danger? Male carriers have existed and given birth since the beginning of time… His ire starts to rise up to the point of suffocation with his need to understand, NOW! 

He puts his hand on Dean’s shoulder to realize he’s shaking hard under his hand, his eyes are saucers on his face and he looks frightened beyond reason. Cas works on calming himself down so he wouldn’t frighten his boyfriend much more and says “Doctor, we don’t understand anything you’re saying. Isn’t pregnancy is supposed to be good news? Why is Dean in danger” 

Dr. Richard takes a breath and softens his stance a bit and says “Mr. Winchester, you’re working several jobs, right?” 

Dean takes a few moments but the doctor’s question seems to shake him out of his stupor a bit and he nods. 

“The strain you go through working two jobs, not getting enough rest and not eating right is putting your body under a huge amount of pressure, when we’ve tested your blood, we’ve found that your anemic which means you’re lacking iron, that is why you’re feeling exhausted all the time, your blood pressure is high even at rest because you’re body is working overtime to supplement your organs with the oxygen they need and this issue was exacerbated with the fact that you’re pregnant, which means that preeclampsia will certainly be an issue during this pregnancy, amplifying the risks you’re running if you decide to have the baby” 

Cas is trying to absorb all that in, and Dean still hasn’t said a word. 

How could he have been so blind to what Dean has been going through? In all honesty, he knew Dean was working himself ragged, he knew what Dean’s been doing to himself isn’t remotely healthy, but he didn’t work hard to stop him. Dean always got his way, and now this honorable man who’s working himself to the bone trying to ensure his brother is living comfortably and attending the best schools and not having to worry about anything, is lying in the hospital hearing that what should’ve been very happy news, is detrimental to his health. 

Dr. Richard continues “I’m really sorry for what I said earlier, rather how I said it, but Mr. Winchester, I need to present you with your options, and neither of them are good, I’m afraid. If you go through with this pregnancy, I cannot guarantee neither your safety or your baby’s, because, in my professional opinion, your body’s very weak right now and can’t handle the strain this pregnancy will cause. Your other option is the immediate termination of the pregnancy, which has its own set of risks, but given that it’s still very early on, with the proper care that we will provide here at the hospital, I would say that your chances of survival are significantly better.” 

“Survival?” Cas says, in a small voice. 

“I’m afraid so, yes, this baby is a ticking time bomb, and I’m not here to make your decisions for you, but I believe that Dean’s survival is much more important than the fetus’ at this point” 

Suddenly, everything is crystal clear to Cas, Dean matters more, more than anything and everyone, and when he gets better, and he WILL get better, they could try again, but he won’t risk Dean’s health, not for anything….

This is a wake up call, nothing more and nothing less, he’ll take better care of Dean from now on, he’ll make Dean take a sabbatical from work, they will follow the doctor’s orders to the letter until Dean is healthy again, the way he always should be. Sam will have no problem to fend for himself, he is a capable kid and Dean matters more to him than anything and anyone. 

“We want to do the abortion” he says, point blank, not giving attention to the death glare Dean is projecting his way.


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The conversation AKA the train wreck that everyone saw coming...

The silence in the room is deafening, and the silent daggers Dean is sending Cas’ way could be felt from everyone present, but he won’t budge, not at this, not with the person that matters to him THE MOST in the world. 

And not in a needy way, not like Dean is the only person in his life or anything, he also loves his brother, Gabriel, and Dean’s brother Sam, he loves Bobby and Ellen and Jo and all of his found family, the one that DEAN gave to him, just by choosing Cas in his life. Call it selfish, call it needy, whatever, Cas will not let Dean put himself in danger any longer. 

The doctor is the one to first break the silence, he says “This is a big decision, why don’t you talk it out together first and then you can tell me your decision tomorrow, Dean is stable for now and we’ll keep him overnight for observation”, he turns the doctor version of the sympathetic eye to both Dean and Cas in turn and then proceeds to leave the room. Aaaaand here it comes, Cas doesn’t even have a chance to prepare….  
1  
2  
3

“YOU’RE MAKING MY DECISIONS FOR ME, NOW? IS THAT IT? IS THIS THE KIND OF RELATIONSHIP WE’RE IN NOW?” Bellows Dean, and Cas kinda cringes a bit at the loud voice and the insinuated venom in Dean’s voice. Which makes it even more surprising when Bobby proceeds to defend Cas. Yes, absolutely shocking, even Cas couldn’t believe his own ears 

“Now, hold on a minute, were you actually considering taking another course of action? Didn’t you hear anything of what the doctor just said? Are you that screwed in the head? You could die, Dean.” Bobby says, with angry passion at first, but as he keeps going on his voice softens and his eyes go a bit glassy and Cas might actually be going crazy, but he damn well thinks that Bobby is barely holding it together and might actually cry.   
Cas’ heart warms to its very core, he knew he could always depend on Bobby to put Dean’s welfare first, but he doesn’t need anyone to fight his battles for him, he also needs to salvage the situation before Dean works himself up and blow a gasket. He looks Dean square on, ignores the anger in his eyes and says softly “Honey, you heard the doctor, if the risk is you or the baby, I’ll choose you a million times over, it’s just that simple”

“Just that simple? Cas he’s OUR BABY, yours and mine! How can you let that go so easily! Don’t you believe in me? I can do this, I know I can, it’s gonna be hard and I understand the risk but I wanna do this”

Dean has so much conviction in his eyes, and Cas can’t deny the flutters in his stomach he felt hearing the words “our baby” coming from his beloved. But no. NO. He’ll stick to his guns, there’s too much at stake here, more than he can bear to gamble and leave to chance. 

“Dean, you could get pregnant again, when you’re better we could have as many kids as you want. You don’t think I’ve always dreamed of having a family with you? I do, with all my heart, I do but not at the cost of you. Never! We won’t do it and that’s final.” Cas says, not willing to budge an inch. 

Dean looks at him resolutely, and Cas swears that the anger has amplified 10-fold, and says “I won’t kill our baby Cas, I love you and us and what we have together so much that I won’t do it. It’s my body and my choice”

It's Cas’ turn to turn angry, since all the sensible talking is not working, he puts his hands-on Dean’s shoulders, bends his way so that they’re facing eye to eye and says “YOU COULD DIE DEAN, DIE! Don’t you realize the gravity of what you’re risking? Think of me, think of Sammy! Your brother is out there at college and doesn’t know what you’re going through right now and that you’re thinking of leaving him and I behind” 

And, here comes the waterworks, there’s no holding them back now. And, it’s maybe just his imagination but he swears he can feel Dean’s shoulders deflate a little and then, and now there’s no imagining that, Dean rests his forehead on his and they hold on to each so tightly, as if they can protect each other from what the future holds for them. 

“I can do it, Cas” Dean whispers, only for Cas’ ears and then continues on “I swear I’ll do whatever they tell me, I won’t argue or give you hell, I swear Cas, but don’t ask me to do this because I won’t, I want that baby Cas, I want it so much. Sam might hate it, hate me until he can wrap his head around this and then I know he’ll be here for me no matter what. So, the question is, will you?” 

See, at the start of this, Dean was furious and Cas was calm, he believed he had a pretty good case and that Dean doesn’t really have a death wish and that he might choose himself for once. But how the tables have turned! Cas doesn’t look at him, doesn’t even acknowledge the last few sentences of this conversation, he just extricates himself from the pseudo embrace they’ve got going on, heads for the door, and leaves.


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Castiel comes to a decision

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know we’re moving a bit slowly, but bear with me. I think we’re in this for the long haul!

He leaves the room and it’s like all he sees is red, the anger is all consuming. ‘How can he be so stupid? Doesn’t he know how lost I’d be without him? Have I failed to make him feel my love after all this time that he’d think I’d actually let him do this… No chance in hell’ 

‘well, he says he can do it, don’t you trust him?’ this other thought bombards him as if out of nowhere, but his rebuttal is ready. People generally have a self-preservation instinct that kicks in whenever they feel a danger to their selves, a sane person generally avoids danger, looks out for themselves. Dean doesn’t have that. When it comes to himself and danger, Dean won’t lift a finger, but if it’s someone he loves, he’d move mountains, he’d stand in front of bullets, the sky is literally the limit to what he’d do to protect them. 

It’s endearing really, one of the many qualities that made Cas fall in love with him in the first place. And Dean can’t help the way he is, he’s always put himself in danger without even knowing that he’s doing it in the first place, it was just how he is. Cas remembers feeling appalled that Dean’s last meal has been Yesterday’s lunch when they had it together when he passed by the garage at lunchtime and Dean mentioning that all nonchalantly, like it’s regular and normal, and Cas would then proceed to explain to him that he can’t continue on like this, that he needs the food to level out how much energy he expends working and maintaining his basic bodily functions, and Dean would look at him as if he grew horns or something, like he’s saying the weirdest things, shrugs him off and says “That’s okay Cas, I don’t need that much, I got used to it.”

Then, as their relationship progressed, Dean told Cas how that he got used to not eating all that much because his brother needed it more, growing up and that he got used to eating one meal only a day. That it’s better for him that way, that he feels light which helps him work more and provide for Sam. 

Cas knows what you must be thinking right now, that Dean has some kind of eating disorder, and that Cas is an asshole for not getting him help. But, see, Cas was actually convinced that Dean was fine, he never saw him puke his food on purpose or losing any more weight, he was always skinny, it was just the way he is. Sure, he tires easily, and gets sick all the time, but generally he’s a happy and content person. He’s just frail, you know? And Cas always took care of him and made sure that the meals he actually consumed were healthy and filled with nutrients. And if Dean happened to eat more than one on any given day, Cas would take the win and store it for the days where Dean forgets to eat altogether. 

Maybe Sam worrying about him all the time should’ve been a red flag to Cas, Sam is always calling and checking in on Dean, panicking when Dean fails to answer and calling each of Dean's loved ones and asking for his whereabouts and where he is and how he's doing, berating Dean every time he gets sick or works himself too hard, telling his that it's okay he could take a break and let Sam get a job while in college and fend off for himself for once. You’d think he’d value his freedom more but actually, Dean and Sam are what people might call “attached at the hip”. Sam values his brother more than any person on the planet, and Dean is basically his mother. They look out for each other, and given their childhood, who would blame them? 

So, you see? Dean could not be trusted with his own self care, he never makes decisions with himself in mind. Cas' acts are justified. He's gotta protect him some way, right?

Somehow, that small formation of cells that keep growing in Dean’s belly has somehow garnered that same maternal instinct of Dean’s and claimed it for itself so soon. And Cas is at a loss at how he can save Dean from himself and it. It’s hooks are in too deep already. 

Should he call Sam? Dean would never forgive him, and it might make him more upset and set back his health a bit more and Cas won’t have that. 

Maybe he should take a more subtle approach to this? Dean is only 4 weeks pregnant; they have a long time to decide on their course of action and the doctor said so himself. Yeah. Maybe this is the best for now. 

Don't get him wrong, there's no way in hell Dean he's gonna let Dean go through with this, but maybe resorting to heavy handed ways and shouting in his face is not the best way to handle things with Dean right now. That's all he's willing to give in for. Not an inch more. Nothing's changed. This is still dangerous for Dean, and if he won't put himself first for once. Then someone's gotta do that for him, and he's gonna enlist all the reinforcements he can to make sure things go his way this time, if need be. Dean won't like it, but tough, he's gonna have to live with the fact that people care about him just as much as he cares for them. Maybe even more so that he would possibly imagine. 

He stops to take a breath, calming himself further so he wouldn’t upset Dean when he reenters the room, and is surprised to find himself actually breathing in the fresh air. He doesn’t know how, but he seems to have left the hospital altogether and is standing in front of the entrance door. 

He takes a few minutes to breathe some more, bolsters himself up and opens the entrance door and steps into the inside of the hospital once again. He keeps walking, gets into the elevator, consciously this time, and goes to Dean’s floor and start walking in the direction of his room. He takes another minute in front of the door, then when he’s confident that he could keep it together he opens the door and enters once again. 

He finds Dean, sitting this time not lying, on the bed, with his head hung low and Bobby’s hand rubbing his back in a soothing manner, not noticing that Cas actually came back. It takes a minute with no one saying anything, not wanting to jar Dean, and Bobby giving him that look that means ‘if you walk out and leave my boy again, I’m gonna knock you out so fast you wouldn’t know where it hit you’ until Dean slowly lifts his head in the direction of the door and looks at Cas. 

Cas can see that he’s been crying, and his heart clenches painfully in his chest, there’re tear tracks on his face and his eyes are red and puffy. Cas feels more guilty that you could possibly imagine. Those green eyes aren’t meant for crying, and Cas caused THAT! 

Without either Bobby or Cas could stop him, Dean stands up and heads fast towards Cas, pulling him in the fiercest hug imaginable and Cas holds on to him for dear life, smelling the unique scents of him and closing his eyes, content to feel Dean against him, feeling his hear beating in tandem with his, and then says in a soothing voice "Babe, you need to stay in bed, you know that! What the hell do you think you're doing?". He doesn't get an answer, they stay like this for another minute, wrapped up in each other as if they're one and neither of them willing to let the other go, not even for a second, and Cas is more reassured that he’s made the right call with them taking their time with this decision, for Dean’s sake, for all their sakes. 

It’s Dean who pulls back first, and Cas lets him but not completely, just until they can look each other in the eyes. Dean breaks the silence in the room with “I thought you wouldn’t come back” his voice all teary and getting misty eyed again. ‘I am so stupid’ Cas thinks, how could he have left knowing how Dean reacts to people leaving! He has to make it up to him, so he hurriedly reassures him, saying “What? How can you think that Dean? I just needed a minute to cool off! There’s not a chance of that happening, ever, you will never be rid of me, you’re stuck with me, honey, forever” And then proceeds to kiss him tenderly on the lips, to which Dean reciprocates passionately with his mouth opening up, inviting Cas in. It’s the way they reassure each other, and Cas is more than happy to oblige. He kisses Dean as if he is parched and Dean is his only source of water, exploring every inch of his mouth as if he’s doing it for the very first time. 

Suddenly, he can feel Dean putting more weight on the hand Cas is holding him with from behind, he breaks the kiss to find Dean’s eyes hooded and on the verge of losing consciousness. 

“DEAN? Are you okay? Answer me, please” then he proceeds to bend down, lifting Dean’s knees with his other hand holding on firmly to his back. Dean gives him a smirk, with his eyes still at half mast, as if suddenly all the energy he seemed to have regained over his hospital stay had all been spent, saying with a hoarse voice “It’s just the effect your kisses have on me, babe.”

Well, If he has the energy to make jokes then he has to be fine “Alright, tough guy, enough. You need to get some rest, we’ve made bobby uncomfortable enough today” 

He hears Bobby grumbling in the background, saying something resembling “nice of you to notice I’m here” but his eyes are only on Dean’s face, already on his way to sleep as he walks him back to bed and sets him down gently, covers him up, kisses his temple and says “Sleep sweetheart, we’ll talk more tomorrow, we don’t have to decide anything tonight.”

Dean gives him a smile and heads into the sweet oblivion of sleep.


End file.
